June 2012
3 posts
1 tag
poenitentia:
The soft pattering of the screen door slapping back on its hinges calls Sam out of his reverie. Dean must’ve come back for something while he was out on guard duty and, all at once, Sam is reminded that he should’ve been out to perimeter check a while ago. He sighs, shifting his worn thumbs over Castiel’s flanks to nudge him around before he pulls back entirely.
“Listen… why don’t...
1 tag
poenitentia:
Sam sees the resignation biting Castiel’s posture before he utters a single word. Concepts like burden and responsibility are things Sam knows well. He knows the sting of failure and the ache that follows, the want to make amends. To shoulder the blame and try to cobble together the best possible solution with whatever options might be left. That’s what they had been doing here...
1 tag
poenitentia:
Castiel’s smile doesn’t meet his eyes and the weight of the incongruity nudges Sam into sitting, fingers tapping loosely against Castiel’s warm palm. Little white lies about attitude and health are lip service in the Apocalypse; no one expects an honest answer to the question are you okay when half the world’s infected with a demonic virus. But Sam can see how ragged Castiel looks,...
May 2012
4 posts
1 tag
poenitentia:
Blue Oblivion Chapter IV; Book IV log books: one; two; three; four enochian phrase index
The days pass with a sneaking uneasiness Sam often finds in research; a quiet, weary sort of mulling that sets his nerves on edge just enough to keep sleep from coming right away. Despite the uncertainty, Castiel never strays and, if Sam counts his blessings, it’s only when his breath evens...
1 tag
poenitentia:
There’s something so defeated and near-tangibly human in Castiel’s words that Sam feels his breath catch in his throat. It’s like a sharp slap, an all too vicious reminder of what Castiel had been only hours before and won’t ever be again — of the universal difference between what they both are on the basest level. But Sam knows that fretful reluctance, the sensation of not being...
1 tag
poenitentia:
“I wasn’t the only one,” Sam answers without thinking.
Even in the silence, he knows he’s right. Dean may not have understood the Grace in the exact same way — heard what Sam could only smell — but they both had felt Castiel’s overwhelming presence in their own way, something that plied at Sam’s curiosity more than he could help.
“Is it… a vessel thing?” he asks finally, shifting...
1 tag
poenitentia:
It burns him.
The deafening silence, the solid drag of sunlight, Castiel’s final, resigned breath — Sam can feel his skin crawling in protest, urging him to speak up until his tongue is shriveled with effort and he chokes out a waning shudder.
“They don’t know what they’re talking about,” he starts, fingers flexing possessively around the slope of Cas’ knuckles. “They’re… they’re...
April 2012
2 posts
1 tag
poenitentia:
He runs.
It’s all Sam can do at this point; beat his feet over the cold asphalt and hope that Castiel is where Sam hopes he is and not flown away altogether. Those accusations were nothing Castiel deserved to hear, but he has nevertheless, and there isn’t anything Sam can do to take it back or soften the blow.
The sun has cast a glow over the town now, heading closer and closer to...
1 tag
poenitentia:
It takes little more than the throb of Sam’s pulse for it to all click. Dean’s resurrection, the overwhelming abundance of the smell the seems to cling to him, the ringing that only Dean can hear that somehow fades and swells in time with the scent of blue. Of Grace.
Sam cringes, eyes screwing shut for a moment as he tries to steady himself.
His voice comes to him in a short,...
March 2012
12 posts
1 tag
poenitentia:
Castiel’s words are hardly more than a coo, mourning dove soft amidst urgent kisses and the sudden shock of their hips making contact. There’s something in the way the gentle trill breaks over his skin and settles, the way the discordant chime knells under Castiel’s tongue; Sam can feel the meaning behind those words with a certainty he’s never felt before. If he didn’t want this,...
1 tag
poenitentia:
There’s something impish in the way Castiel smiles into their kisses, the way he breaks off a hollow moan between his teeth as they push and pull against each other. Sam can taste it as much on his lips as he can feel it in the hammering of his own heart and when Cas finally chuckles into his skin, presses his face against the curve of Sam’s cheek as he croons gruff and low, Sam is...
1 tag
poenitentia:
The quiet titter of dazed laughter tickles against the curve of Sam’s ear and he shudders with it, the tide of bliss threatening to swallow him up at the shoulders as Cas shifts and murmurs against him. This feels separate somehow, existing within suspension after the jolt of Grace ripped him from one end of fleeting euphoria to another. There was a tension before, a hesitance that...
1 tag
poenitentia:
It’s Sam’s turn to flush, a ruddy glow that crosses the bridge of his nose and plunges down towards his navel in a moment’s notice. The loose tangling of their fingers is a blessed distraction, but it’s fleeting compared to the thick, heady fragrance that seems to encircle his face and chest, and Sam nearly chokes on it, still trying to work through the fact that he gave Cas a...
1 tag
poenitentia:
It’s nothing but a single pinprick of focus in his mind, a razor edge of light that cuts through the billowing cloud of soft sweetness and beckons for Sam’s attention, but the more he plucks at it, the more he twines his fingers through the sheaf of Castiel’s wing, the more the pressure nudges back. He doesn’t notice it at first, the distinct niggling of Grace far too distracting,...
1 tag
poenitentia:
Slowly. It’s Castiel’s soft exhale that guides Sam forward, the gentle inclination of fingers between his own that draws his focus away from the warmth settling in around them and the tightness it elicits in his lungs. This is far closer than he expected them to be after their uncertainty from the night before, more intimate, though their fevered morning together couldn’t ever be...
1 tag
poenitentia:
The guttering sensation tickles against Sam’s throat as he allows himself to be led and, for a moment, Sam isn’t sure as to whether Castiel will agree to his proposition. The subtle shift of Cas’ features, the quiet, momentary hesitance before he smiles and draws him in close sets Sam’s heart to hammering, leaving the dull impression of a thud against his ribs as the temperature...
1 tag
poenitentia:
A tremor rattles through Sam when Castiel makes contact again and he grows still, attention swelling as the scintillating heat settles around his shoulders. The air is dead-still however, not even the dust motes caught in the creeping light of dawn swirling at the sudden presence, but Sam feels it all the same, a delicate warmth that tugs at his pores at leaves the faintest trail of...
1 tag
poenitentia:
Wings. Sam’s heart skips a beat, words echoing in soft peals around him, as he blinks absently. As if this morning couldn’t be anymore surreal than it already was. The silence stretches out between them until it shudders and snaps under a puff of startled breath rattling loose from Sam’s throat.
“Wings?” His voice is tinny under the rich weight of the early morning sun, but Sam...
1 tag
poenitentia:
Sam shivers, glancing between his still captured wrist and Castiel’s brightened awareness back to the empty stretch of bed before them. The presence he sensed, grabbed before is gone now, humid warmth swept away like an exorcism and it isn’t until Castiel has spoken that Sam manages to process what has just happened.
His hand twitches reflexively — tugs in Castiel’s grip as it...
1 tag
poenitentia:
The weight on Sam’s chest dissipates the moment Castiel shifts and the suffocating warmth goes along with it, leaving him decidedly chilly under the cool breath of dawn. He can’t answer at first, still too groggy and confused from the gravity of his dreamless sleep, but as consciousness gathers, so too does awareness, and so Sam lets out a clipped breath, a nervous titter that hangs...
1 tag
poenitentia:
Blue Oblivion Chapter II; Book IV log books: one; two; three enochian phrase index
Dreaming has never been easy, not amid the rush of being on the run from year one, of chasing down devils and monsters and growing up on the road. Sam learned early on to sleep on whatever available surface — in moving cars and damp motel rooms, in crumbling houses haunted by the dead — because there...
February 2012
16 posts
2 tags
poenitentia:
The air around them ripples intently, disturbed by the weight of Castiel’s lilting reply. Sam hears the brief echo, a fading reverberation of soft chirruping that winds itself over and under like sugar-spun amber until the little peals fade into the ether and Castiel’s pressing a kiss into Sam’s palm.
Sam knows that he should pull away from the affection, that the he taint he...
1 tag
poenitentia:
The sudden tide of heat rushes Sam’s lungs before he’s prepared, strangles a little puff of breath out of him as he watches emotion turn over and over on Castiel’s features. This… is something new, something that isn’t at all reminiscent of Cas’ angelic nature. Sam can read the anger on Castiel’s face as clear as day, see the harsh edge of betrayal that he can’t begin to understand...
1 tag
poenitentia:
Castiel’s words shudder through Sam, dousing him cold as he tries to choke it down, gaze faltering. The look on Cas’ face is nothing shy of painfully serious and yet again, Sam can do nothing else but stare back, eyes wide with confusion as he tries to work through Castiel’s words.
This isn’t what Sam wanted at all; if this entire situation didn’t have the benefit of his brother...
1 tag
poenitentia:
Sam nods, smile souring into something self-deprecating and bitter as the heat of Castiel’s words well up in his gut and forces Sam to turn away, nodding softly as he runs a hand absently down his flank and chases the ghost of his wounds. He says nothing at first, the harsh No, I guess I don’t jarring Sam’s thoughts for a moment before that warmth presses against the breadth of his...
1 tag
poenitentia:
Sam feels the drift of heat at his side again as Castiel approaches and, for a moment, he settles into the sensation, lets the heat sink into his bones. There’s a part of Sam that would very much like to forget all about this, to forget what the past few moments have wrought, but he can’t. In a long line of relying on so few things, memory is both a blessing and a curse, and Sam...
1 tag
poenitentia:
The house is sidling up into view as they amble on, but there’s little relief in the sight, Sam realizes belatedly. They may have managed to make it through the night and are safe from the raiders thanks to Castiel, but this doesn’t ease their problems at all. Now there’s a camp full of survivors from a Heaven-induced Apocalypse suddenly aware of an angels presence right in their...
1 tag
poenitentia:
Cas is only gone long enough for the others to take a collective breath before he pops back into existence again at Sam’s side, burying him briefly in a brushing wave of warmth that gives Sam pause as he shivers, trying to quell the sensation away. It doesn’t seem to calm the crowd however, Castiel’s magick reappearing act sends a ripple through the shaken survivors and Dean has to...
2 tags
poenitentia:
It’s like a brand on Sam’s chest, the heavy weight of Castiel’s touch calling a shiver up his spine, prickling keen over his flesh like arcs of static. It lingers even as Castiel offers his hand, helps them both to their feet, and Sam’s hands shake with it, curl in as he shifts to brush the sand away from his haunches. Dean’s brushing against him in an instant, a wordless bridge of...
1 tag
poenitentia:
It’s like falling straight into a hot bath, warmth dowsing Sam from head to toe and back again as it spreads through tender flesh and buries itself bone-deep, washing away pain and the cold vice of shock in one fell swoop. It smothers him at first, the sudden swell of consciousness kicking up when there was nothing before but the vague suspension between searing pain and blotting...
1 tag
poenitentia:
Sam feels it like a noose, a lurching sensation that seeks him out in winding tendrils, catches in his veins and in his gut and tugs on this oddly familiar sense memory that he can’t shake even as he chokes against the asphalt, tries hard to fill his lungs with air. Whatever Castiel has done has set the sky around them alight, turned the cool air warm and fatted with the collecting...
1 tag
poenitentia:
Blue Oblivion Chapter I; Book IV log books: one; two; three enochian phrase index
The scene comes together in violent fractals— the sharp dissonance of Dean’s body still warm but no longer animated by the spark of breath, the vicious thunder of gunfire falling all around them, and finally the rough scrape of Castiel’s voice catching like a flint in the darkness, telling them to...
1 tag
poenitentia:
The arch of Dean’s silhouette unfolds from the framework of light cast over the angle of his shoulders and Sam can see that he’s not alone out there with these trucks, that there’s another body twisted and gnarled in the shadows before him. They’re still too far away, muffled voices drowning in the whine of the engines and Sam inches forward, sways his body into the lambent trail to...
1 tag
poenitentia:
The brief shuddering of darkness that pulses around the campfire brings Sam’s awareness to the surface of this tequila-induced haze, makes him startle in place as he narrows his eyes toward the generator and watches the silhouette of a body toddle away from the machine even as the others call back and whistle for someone to hit the switch.
Sam is caught in the slow, juddering tide...
2 tags
poenitentia:
Sam watches the bottle swish upward before it flops back to Dean’s side after a beat, momentarily distracted by the guttering slosh and Castiel shifting against his hips to pay much attention to Dean’s smug declaration. The party goes quiet for one short, tenuous moment — bodies crawling to a brief pause before the frame passes and their bright chattering picks up as if never...
2 tags
poenitentia:
Sam catches Castiel’s gaze for half a beat, long enough to find himself grinning back, before Dean budges up next to them faster than Sam expected and throws them both off balance. Sam buckles just enough to jostle Cas and send them a half a step backwards, grip tightening around Castiel’s belly and the free hand Sam was kissing over idly, and he grunts, cutting eyes at his brother...
2 tags
poenitentia:
Sam laughs outright at Castiel’s grumpy, slurred omission, the sound of it chasing the swell of Grace away for a moment as Castiel takes his wrist gently and Sam leans in again to brush his nose over the crook of Cas’ neck. They’re usually more reserved about this sort of thing, anything more than hand-holding kept behind closed doors and away from prying eyes, but now the idea of...
January 2012
54 posts
1 tag
poenitentia:
Sam has lived the sort of life that has taught him there are very, very few constants in this ever-changing world: When in doubt, use iron and salt anyway, microwaved eggs will never taste as decent as Dean says they do, and finally, tequila is never, ever a good idea. Sam can recall, with nauseating clarity, all the mornings he’s spent head first in the toilet after spending the...
1 tag
poenitentia:
Sam’s fingers graze Castiel’s hairline, dips into his collar before he draws his hand away when he feels the warm weight of Cas’ own against his thigh. It’s a reassuring grip that offers him a measure of comfort as his gaze settles on his brother who, for all intents and purposes, is giving Amanda the silent how-ya-doin’ while she works girl scout magic on the tangled tresses of...
2 tags
poenitentia:
Sam’s heart has found a new home in his throat, pounds hard under a coursing wave of adrenaline that shoots down his spine as the sudden raucous bang jerks him to attention. Dean is standing in tandem, hand already clutching his gun tight as they both cut their glances hard towards the door. Sam’s running their options through his head, counting the exits out of the building and...
2 tags
poenitentia:
Castiel’s gruff murmur catches Sam’s attention as it does Dean’s, a sharp spit of Enochian that calls up vivid images of fires burning far too hot to sustain themselves. Sam knows this word, has seen it sprinkled throughout Castiel’s vigilant journals, and it’s just as funny to hear it now applied to Dean as it was then learning the definition.
It’s a turn of phrase the angels used...
2 tags
poenitentia:
In Castiel’s defense, Sam thinks, that noxious swill could’ve peeled the paint off the walls, but that doesn’t stop Sam from snorting out his laughter as he watches Castiel’s from go from curious to horrified in no more than a second. It’s justified, at the very least, if the sip Sam got is any indication, and he reaches over and pats Castiel’s back lightly in an attempt to soothe...
2 tags
poenitentia:
Sam tries hard to stifle his laughter as he watches Castiel grimace at the glass thrust toward him with the same gusto Dean treats any challenge. There’s a moment there when he thinks that Cas and Dean are going to have a stare-off and Sam’s actually interested in seeing who might win, knowing Dean is as stubborn as a dumb mule and Cas isn’t any better, and he stretches back,...
6 tags
Blue Oblivion Chapter V; Book III log books: one; two; three enochian phrase index
“C’mon, Cas…. Trust me.”
These words are not words Castiel ever likes to hear come out Dean Winchester’s mouth. Especially not when accompanied by that tell-tale mischievous smirk: all at once a worrisome sign and so characteristically Dean, one can hardly separate one from the other....
1 tag
poenitentia:
Sam keeps quiet for the time being, still engrossed in Castiel’s words and their imparted weight, and it isn’t until their little house comes into clearer view that Sam actually starts to consider his own feelings on the matter. He remembers the first time he said I love you to someone outside of family, the way the words had rolled around on his tongue for weeks and his stomach...
1 tag
poenitentia:
They only manage a few more steps before Castiel’s gentle reassurance wrings a quiet shudder out of Sam, a soft gasp breaking past his teeth before he can stop himself from growing stock-still. He has heard the word spoken only once before, in the days preceding this one, when they came upon that enormous Tree borne of Grace. Sam knew what it meant then too, having read it...
1 tag
poenitentia:
The fingertips against Sam’s scalp calm him, if only just, and he lets out a slow, sobering breath as he turns his face into Castiel’s palm and loosens his grip. The sun is beating down on their backs now, Sam can feel the sweat starting to slip down the curve of his spine and pool at the small of his back even through the still cold breeze niggling at his jacket and, for a moment,...
1 tag
poenitentia:
Sam struggles under the weight of Castiel’s words, eyes shuttering briefly as cool fingers graze his cheek and steels him for what comes next. He had heard the stories, of course, hundreds of different retellings that he’d come across in their research for trying to off the Devil, but Sam had never set any stock in it— he’d never thought that any of it could’ve been true until now,...
1 tag
poenitentia:
Title. It pounds in Sam’s ears as Castiel shifts his hand, clings back with an insistent grip that he feels even through the cool numbness that pools in his extremities. It wasn’t just Cas who said this, it was a title used for him in Heaven— the angels referred to him by the very thing that damned him, that was his namesake. Sam’s all but trembling, vision blurred shamefully as he...
1 tag
poenitentia:
“And I became everything he needed me to be,” Sam spits out before he can stop himself, anger flaring all over again, but it’s directed towards no one in particular, just a spike of heat that nearly dies off before it gains enough momentum to draw Sam’s body taut with it, shoulders nearly shaking with his frustration.
Damned by design, no matter how he tried to avoid it, how he...
